When did I grow up?

Today was the first day of classes, but lucky for me I only have class on Mondays and Wednesdays with one night class on Tuesday. I love my schedule this semester because I can work and still have plenty of free time...well at least I will after Septemeber 6th. I can't believe that I am starting my senior year of college. Holy crap. The last three years have absolutely flown by. When I was in high school, I felt like time was dragging and now I can't believe how fast time is passing. I can't think about graduation because I get this awful knot in my stomach and my chest tightens because I have MAJOR life decisions to make within the next few months. Currently I am a speech-language pathology major. I decided on this in high school and I've stuck with it and I love it. The only problem...one of my classes this past spring was an intro to audiology class...and I fell in LOVE with audiology. (For those of you that don't know, audiology is the study of hearing and involves testing hearing, hearing aids, etc) With my undergrad degree in speech I have two choices: A) To be a speech-language pathologist I have to have a master's degree, which at most colleges is a two year program, or B) I can go to school for audiology, which is a 4 year doctorate program. So basically, in 2 years I could be a speech pathologist, or in 4 years I could be a doctor of audiology. When I say I have no idea what to do, I mean I have absolutely no clue. I've wanted to be an slp for a long time and it's definitely quicker and cheaper. Audiology would be 3 more years of classes and a 9 month fellowship. It will be extra expensive because there are no audiology schools in Georgia. This summer I visited Vanderbilt's audiology program in Nashville and I loved it. I loved the people, I loved the facility, and I loved the town. The problem? Vanderbilt is incredibly expensive, the cost of living in Nashville is expensive, and Nashville is SIX hours from home. In September I am going to visit Auburn's program, which is 85 miles from home, but they don't have the same facilities that Vanderbilt has.

As you can see, I could write a book about this. I have so much going on with recruitment and sorority stuff, that I don't even have time to think about what I'm going to do. I don't know how to make a decision like this. It has to be my decision; it can't be my parents', it can't be my boyfriends, it has to be mine, and that freaks me out. If I decided to do speech, I could apply to my current school and stay here, but I have mixed feelings about that. Obviously, my boyfriend is here, and at the rate he's going, he's going to be here awhile. But this school has been my life for the past three years. I've been super involved on campus and I have poured my heart and soul into my sorority. To think that I could graduate and come back here, but not be a part of the sorority any more kills me. I don't want to be at this school if I can't do recruitment, if I can't go to socials, if it's not cool for me to hang out at the house any more. My sisters are my best friends and I know that if I go to Vanderbilt or Auburn they will still be my best friends, so I'm not worried about that. I feel like I need to take this time in my life to move somewhere else, to become more independent, to give myself a chance to really grow up, but that freaks me out too.

I feel like I have typed enough about this and now I'm crying, which usually happens when I talk about graduation. I know the only thing I can do is put this in God's hands. He has a plan for me and all I can do is pray about it and let Him show me what I'm supposed to do.